Today I’m going to share with you the story of my friend Lauren. Lauren was an amazing woman who fell in love. And when I say fell I mean she fell big time. The problem was, she was with someone else at the time.
Lauren was abused as a child and had terrible confidence issues. When she was 18, she eloped with Tom who she met at college. He seemed nice enough but she didn’t really know him all that well. Once they got married, he was quite mean to her. Although he never hit her he was quite aggressive, throwing things at her, shouting in her face and making her feel even less confident than she already was. She thought that she deserved it, and she was all alone in the world. She got pregnant and had three children with Tom, who continued to belittle her and make her feel worthless.
Lauren knew that she needed to get out of her relationship but she was trapped without any money and with three young children. So she decided that she would get a job so that she would have a little bit of financial independence. It was when she started work that she met a man called Jack who she fell head-over-heels in love with. Jack was handsome, witty, charming, intelligent – Jack was perfection. But most of all Jack was kind. And this is the reason Lauren fell for Jack. She started to daydream about life with Jack. She looked forward to every conversation that they had with one another. She couldn’t sleep at night, thinking about his dashing features and those twinkly, gorgeous eyes of his. He was the only man who she had ever truly loved.
She decided to tell Jack how she felt. And he rejected her.
Lauren was devastated. She cried herself to sleep and sank into a depression that took several months to get out of. She wondered what the point of life was. If it wasn’t for her children, she didn’t see any point in living.
So what went wrong for poor Lauren?
I think there are three things that Lauren needed to deal with. Firstly, Lauren needed to deal with her past. She faced some terrible problems, none of which were her fault, and she needed to go to therapy to help her deal with her trauma. This in turn would have helped her to become more confident in herself and also helped her to put things into perspective when they went wrong.
Secondly, Lauren needed to deal with her husband. He was a waste of space. She could do a lot better. She needed to kick him to the kerb. She was taking the right steps by getting herself some financial security and independence. She needed to make a plan so that she could break free from him. It isn’t the 1950’s any more. Sisters are doing it for themselves. Lauren was strong and she could do it alone.
Finally, Lauren needed to deal with herself. She needed to learn to love herself before she fell hopelessly in love with other people.
Luckily Lauren realises that these are the steps that she needs to take to improve her life. She is a strong woman who ultimately would like to have a real relationship with somebody who she can love and who can love her back, because unrequited love causes pain, whereas a real love affair is full of joy.