A wonderful friend of mine wrote this on her Facebook wall today:
When you give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you’ll never get back. There comes a point when you have to let go and stop trying with some people. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don’t care for you the way you care for them. Let them leave your life quietly. Letting go is oftentimes easier than holding on. We think it’s too hard to let go, until we actually do. Then we ask ourselves, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?”
I had been thinking about writing an article about forgiveness and her words gave my thoughts even more clarity. For she speaks of the universal desire that if we like somebody, if we love and respect somebody with all our heart and an unspeakable passion, they will love us back. Unfortunately, sometimes they don’t. They don’t love us. They don’t even like us that much. And they don’t respect us. What do you do?
You forgive. Even though there is nothing to forgive them for.
You can’t make someone love you.
You can’t make someone like you.
You can’t make someone respect you.
The heart wants what the heart wants. And unfortunately their heart doesn’t want you.
You grieve and you nurse your metaphorical bruises. Your world and your mind is plunged into darkness. You think that this darkness might last forever. However, one day a chink of light breaks through. You begin to heal. You have the strength to get up and face the world again. You have the strength to smile. And most importantly, you have the strength to wish them well and to forgive them.
If you wish to practice a mindfulness meditation on forgiveness here is one which is taken from ‘Mindfulness for Dummies’:
Sit in a comfortable and relaxed position.Let your eyes close if that’s okay with you and breathe naturally. Imagine your breath going into your heart, as best you can.
Consider the person who you want to forgive. Recall what they did to hurt you. If possible, gently feel the sense of hurt that you experienced. Notice any other feelings that you have towards the person, such as anger, frustration or disappointment.
Notice that the other person doesn’t experience these feelings at this moment, but you do. You are carrying the feelings. And holding on to the difficult feelings doesn’t help you or affect the other person. Reflect on this.
See the situation from the other person’s perspective. What sort of moods are they affected by? What’s their willpower like? What’s their character like? Understand that their actions are strongly influenced by their upbringing and circumstances.
Finally, be compassionate with yourself. Understand that the process of forgiveness takes time, but leads to a happier and more peaceful you.
Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing if you are with the right person. And even if fall for the wrong person it is still a learning experience. Your heart takes a little knock but it is a stepping stone, an important stepping stone on the path to your true destiny.